Kid Amnesiac

Matt and I used to enjoy watching little snippets of NYPD Blue to laugh at the interrogation scenes. So far as we could tell and the show and most other police procedurals depicted, police work mostly amounted to putting suspects in a small room and asking them questions over and over again until they broke down and confessed.  “It just can’t be that easy” we’d say to each other.

Now I’m not so sure. Simon has hit the zenith (I hope!) of the questioning phase of toddlerdom. And after a full day of it, I tell you, I’d do just about anything to make it stop for five minutes. It’s not just that every declaration or request is greeted with “why?” It’s that no movie can be watched and no book can be read without constant preemption.

Consider a brief passage from The Cat in the Hat.

“So as fast as I could, I went after my net—”

“Mommy, what’s that?

“That’s the net.

“And who’s that?

“That’s Sally.

“Is Sally his little sister?

“Yes, Sally is the boy’s sister.

“Is she surprised?

“A little.

“Why is she surprised?

“Well, the boy is trying to catch Thing One and Thing Two.

“Why?

“Because they are tearing up the house.

“Is that Thing One?

“I can’t tell honey; I can’t see their numbers on this page.

“Why not?

“I don’t know, they’re just not drawn on this page. Let’s read on and see what happens….”

“And I said, ‘With my net, I can get them I bet. I bet, with my net, I can get those Things yet!’ Then I let down my net—

“Mommy, is Sally happy?

“Yes, she is happy.

“Why is she happy?

“She’s happy because her brother just caught Thing One and Thing Two in his net!

“Where are Thing One and Thing Two?

“They’re under the net, see? The boy just caught them.

“Why did he just caught them?

“Because they were messing up the house and the boy was afraid his mommy would find out and be angry.

“Is the boy cross?

“No, just worried.

“What happens to Thing One and Thing Two?

“Let’s read on and see!”

Now, that little narrative covers one and half pages. The Cat and the Hat runs to 61 pages. As if that weren’t scary enough, do you know what Simon says the minute we finish reading it every night?

“Mommy, read it again!”

The first time this happened, I laughed out loud. To which Simon replied,

“Mommy, why are you laughing?”

That time at least I summoned up the wisdom to smile, kiss him on the head, and tell him I was laughing because he was an adorable little boy. Blissfully, he had no response for that.