Kid Amnesiac

[This post is rated PG-13, though the PG-13 language came from preschoolers…]

One of the joys of having a four-year-old is watching them acquire adult skills or knowledge that then gets demonstrated in decidedly child-like ways. Like teaching your child good manners, and watching those manners manifest themselves in a very polite teddy bear tea party.

In our case, we got a classic demonstration of knowledge acquisition—in this case biological—presented in the unique fashion of unselfconscious children.

We were having a play-date with one of Simon’s friends, I’ll call her Isabel, when Simon announced that he had to pee. Isabel had been hopping around quite a bit, and her dad suggested that she might need to pee, too.

And that’s where the kids took over:

Simon: “Do you have to pee, too, Isabel?”

Isabel: “Yea.”

Simon: “Come pee with me! I’ll pee first, and then you can pee.”

[the action moves to the bathroom.]

Isabel: “Why do you have a long bottom?”

Simon: “Cause I’m a boy, and boys have penises. There’s a hole at the end of my penis, and when I have to pee I just think really hard and the pee comes out the hole.”

Isabel: “I have a short bottom.”

Simon: “Yeah, but I’m a boy and boys have penises. Girls don’t have penises.”

While this drama was unfolding, Isabel’s father was telling me that she had been more curious of late about the differences between boys and girls. She settled on the term “long bottom” and “short bottom”, and her dad (I’ll call him Gary) had decided that that euphemism was as good as any. Like us, Isabel’s parents were taking the approach of answering all questions honestly, if not completely or technically. Unlike us, they let Isabel choose her own terms.

I wonder if Isabel will continue to use “long bottom” after yesterday’s onslaught of partially anatomically correct language? Either way, I thought the entire demonstration possessed a certain offbeat charm, and I could see from Gary’s stifled laughter that he concurred.