Kid Amnesiac

Is quite percussive. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Boom! Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Thwack! Rattle, rattle, rattle. Clang!

The clamor has two sources: drumming and soccer. Between the two, you’d think it was the drumming that was overloading my sensory circuits. Yet it’s not. The drumming is loud, but only happens a couple of times per week in any way that makes real noise. No, it’s the soccer that’s driving me mad due to its maddening constancy.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but none of my cohort are reporting the same issue. A few months ago, Simon started kicking the ball around the house, specifically the living room. I’d fuss and he’d stop for a while, but somehow his foot always found the ball again after a respectful pause, and he’d continue dribbling around the room.

Now he’s given up the pause and decided that dribbling is for amateurs. The in-house footwork is nearly constant, and Simon has managed to transform our couch into a rebounder, a gizmo that looks like a goal that sends or rebounds a ball back to you at game speed. It is used to practice striking, passing, trapping, and heading, and is without doubt a useful training tool.

I just wish that tool weren’t sitting in my living room! Simon will kick the ball into the couch and try to catch it on his knee, on the inside of a leg, or with his foot at a variety of angles. He practices flicking the ball from one foot to the top of the other so he can kick from mid-air, which then allows him to rebound it with an ever growing list of body parts and angles.

Here are some times that Simon likes to conduct this exercise:

• while waiting for dinner
• while getting ready for school in the morning
• while getting ready for bed at night
• while watching soccer on TV
• while “watching” anything else on TV
• any time he doesn’t have a play-date over at the house
• anytime during the weekend unless we are at drum practice, with friends, at a soccer game, or at Seneca Park practicing—what else?—soccer as a family.

Yesterday we celebrated Matt’s brother Dan’s birthday, and the party featured outdoor soccer, dinner, and Simon attempting to flick the ball around in Jim and Evie’s living room. We shut down that last bit.

I probably should shut it down in our house as well. But with the weather turning cold and dark and with our not having a functional play room (attic not finished; basement filled with musical equipment), it seems heartless, to say nothing of futile. Simon’s constant soccer dribbling and kicking seems to have bypassed hobby or habit and moved directly into compulsion territory.

Having said that, once spring rolls around I’m buying one of those fancy TEKK trainers, regardless of how pricey they are, and will shoo Simon off into the back yard when he feels the need to kick before “the beautiful game” totally wrecks my house.