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The Poo-Poo Incident

This is the exact type of post Simon is most likely to be embarrassed or angry about when he gets older. I can’t do anything to change that short of not writing about it, but what happened yesterday is just too quintessential a baby/toddler experience to expunge from the record. So instead, let me say for the sake of Simon’s future pride that yesterday’s incident (1) was totally his stupid parents’ fault, and (2) reflects his growing knowledge and understanding.

Simon pooped in his bath his yesterday morning. One minute he was sitting in the tub playing with foam numbers and dinosaur squirters while Matt read about guitar parts, and the next thing Matt knew Simon was crying, calling out “no, poop, yuck!” and throwing his own feces out of the tub to get as far away from it as possible. His mighty displeasure let us know that Simon is getting closer to being ready to potty train, which is good, but also made the whole thing less funny than it would have otherwise been.

Matt called for me for backup, and we applied a successful divide and conquer strategy. I dredged the tub—with my bare hands if you must know—then set to scrubbing and disinfecting the floor, tub, toys, and, yes, my hands. Then I spritzed some Red Cross disinfectant spray into the air for good measure, ran a second bath, and went to fetch Simon, who at this point was sitting naked on a towel in Matt’s office chair watching his favorite Red Bull helicopter video on YouTube.

This was really a success for Simon, not only because he did not want the poop in the bath and understood it was “yucky”, but also because when Matt asked Simon if he’d like to sit on a potty, he said he would.

Which brings us to the two major parenting failures involved:

  1. We have no potty yet.
  2. We moronically gave Simon a bath during the time of day he is most likely to poop. What were we thinking?

So I say now, to the Simon of the future, that, honey, it happens to all babies/toddlers at least once, you can blame this one on your folks, and please forgive me for putting it on the permanent record.

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