Well, it’s come to this. So much of what Simon talks about these days can be classified as potty humor, that I’m about to make a category out of it. Seriously. To date, I’ve been a tiny bit leery of posting most of this, but I’ve now decided that my reticence is owing to my being a girl. Simon, however, is a boy, and it would appear that potty humor is core to the boy experience.
So let’s let it rip, if you can forgive the pun. First up, comes his big denial move:
Simon makes a loud noise.
Matt: “What was that?!”
Simon: “Um…. [thinking and taking his time] A fire engine!”
Matt: “A fire engine? Really?”
Simon: “Nooo [as if to say, ‘silly Daddy’] That was me. I passed gas.”
Then there is the big lying about potty move to score candy. We’re attempting bribery to get potty-training going, and Simon is not taking the bait. But he did attempt some stealth moves on Matt:
Matt: “Simon, do you want to sit on your potty?”
Simon: “No, I sat on my potty earlier today, but I didn’t get any M&Ms.”
Matt: “Did you just sit on the potty? Or did you poop or pee in it?”
Simon: “I peed on the potty. But I didn’t get any M&Ms. Can I have my M&Ms now?”
Matt: “When did this happen, Simon?”
Simon: “With mommy. Can I have my M&Ms now?”
Total fabrication that one. No M&Ms were dispensed. And the last time we hauled out our bribe, we got this:
“I don’t like M&Ms any more.”
Think this is where Aesop got his idea?