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I learned a new expression from my sister-in-law Stacy yesterday: “It’s easy to heckle from the cheap seats,” meaning roughly that it’s easy to criticize from a distance, be it physical or emotional. She used it in the context of those who judge the parenting of others when they are not parents themselves.

I’ve been a heckler myself in the past. “Who are these crazy women,” I wondered, “who cry when their kids get shots? It doesn’t hurt that much, the kid will never remember it, and a shot sure beats polio.” I thought the same thing about women who cried when their kids went off to school. As my mom would say, “No no. You cry if for some reason they can’t go off to school. That’s when something is really wrong.”

Who's that fat baby on the table next to me?Well, I’ve had my comeuppance because it turns out I’m one of those crazy women. Simon went to the pediatrician yesterday for his two-month (two month!) check-up and got three shots while he was there. He cried when he got them, and like an absolute lunatic I cried along with him.

In my defense, Simon was coming off a very bad previous day in which he had trouble with his reflux and had gas pains that kept him from feeding or sleeping well. So I was a little strung out and overly worried about my little boy when the technician showed up with the needle. I wanted to come back another day. I wanted the vaccines to be oral. I wanted to be able to take them myself. Anything. I just didn’t want Simon to have to cry or be unhappy any more.

Having been so humbled I will be slower to pass judgment on other lunatic mothers who cry at things I don’t understand. I feel your pain, lunatic moms of the world. Now that I’ve scored courtside seats for the parenthood game I think I’ll keep my mouth shut.

On the medical front, Simon will be going on Reglan for his reflux as soon as Matt and I reluctantly fill the prescription. We had hoped that Zantac and Mylanta would keep things in check, as Reglan can have some unpleasant side effects. But Simon’s spitting up is excessive, and the pediatrician (and Bubbie) thinks we need to curb it.

His spitting up is not so excessive that it is preventing growth, however. Yesterday Simon weighed in at 11 1/2 pounds, measured 22 1/2 inches long, and now has a head circumference of 16 1/8 inches. Amusingly, that puts him in the 50th percentile for weight, the 25th for height, and the 75th for head size. Doesn’t that sound frighfully like Napoleon or Danny DeVito? Before you answer, just remember, it’s easy to heckle from the cheap seats.

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