Feed on

Daddy Hands…and Mouth

Poor Matt. He somehow managed to survive Simon’s first entire year without anything too gross happening, only to be ambushed not once but twice this morning.

The first gross-out moment came at breakfast. Matt was giving Simon his oatmeal as usual when he noticed a smidge on his upper lip. Without paying too much attention, Matt reflexively did what he always does: He scooped the bit of oatmeal off Simon’s lip with his finger, then put the finger in his own mouth to clean it off. Except, oops, that wasn’t oatmeal. That was a booger. Poor Matt.

Then, to add insult to injury, he accidentally picked up a piece of poop with his bare hands just moments later. You may wonder how anyone can “accidentally” touch poop. Well, when the stated poop is sitting in the laundry basket, it’s not that hard.

Now, of course, I have to explain how a bit of poop ended up in our laundry basket. From a housekeeping perspective, I promise it’s not as bad as it sounds. Here’s the story. Yesterday, I changed Simon’s diaper in the mid-afternoon right before his nap. As soon as I got Simon down, I planned to wash a load of diapers, and the pail was already in the hall. So, I put the diaper with its single, small poop on the dresser, turned off the light, pulled down the shade, and put Simon in his crib with dirty dog and a round of the crib aquarium. Then I tip-toed back to the dresser, picked up the diaper, and brought it into the bathroom to spray off before doing the laundry.

Then we got busy and distracted, and the laundry load didn’t happen until after Simon had gone to bed for the night. That’s when I reached for the diaper and realized that—oops—there was no poop in it. It must have rolled off sometime when I was fumbling in the dark, and a quick check in the nursery while it was lit only from the hall didn’t wake up Simon, but neither did it turn up the poop.

I was dedicated to hunting it down the minute I got out of the shower this morning—before our new Monday nanny could realize what was going on. Matt forgot all about the missing poop, however, saw something in Simon’s hamper as he showed Jean how the Fuzzi Bunz work (the hamper sits to the side of the dresser), reached in hand to grab it, and in doing so found the missing poop in a way he didn’t anticipate. Poor Matt.

Tomorrow I feel sure Matt will report for Daddy duty wearing a Hazmat suit.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.