Feed on
Posts
Comments

Life in a Post-Layoff Landscape

Mar 12th, 2010 by

I was laid off two weeks ago Wednesday, and I’ve been floating in a rather uncomfortable, liminal space ever since.

The first two days were pretty good. Lots of friends and colleagues called or wrote to support me, I had a good conversation with my soon-to-be former boss, and I was feeling almost settled into my new path.

Then Monday rolled around, my colleagues all got back to work, and I logged into an inbox that won’t be mine much longer to do a job that isn’t quite mine any more, either. That is when “OK and settled” turned into “unsettled and kind of yucky”.

For starters, it’s a bit odd trying to figure out what I should do and/or respond to and what I should leave alone and/or forward on to someone else. Do I finish that proposal I was working on? Have that author prospecting call that’s still on my calendar? I’m not sure, and there doesn’t seem to be any rule book around here to tell me.

But the big issue is the personal connection. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to interact with me. I get it: Some might feel bad for me; some might not know what to say to me; I might remind some of tough conditions in a company they are still part of; and some might think my departure was inevitable and/or overdue. While I can understand nearly all these responses, the silence is nonetheless discomfiting. I’m used to working amid a multi-sensory assault of email, IM, and phone calls. Yet for two weeks now my inbox has slowed to a trickle, my IM goes un-pinged, and my phone barely rings.

I have the stink of death on me. I think what I am experiencing is, to a much lesser extent, what happens when people become widowed or divorced. You no longer quite fit in with your cohort, and people don’t know what to say to you. I’ve read about this, but never experienced it first-hand.

Thankfully, my time in this space and the degree of my isolation is limited. My family and social life continues as normal, thankfully. I wrapped up my transfer notes this week. (Work itself is also proving to be exceedingly difficult, as I am ill at present and find my motivation sorely lacking.) I hope to officially transfer most of my work by Monday. And later next week, I get to work on burning key files onto a DVD and shipping my computer off to the IT center of no return.

That’s the plan at any rate. And if all goes accordingly, right around the time my jonquils begin to bloom and it’s time to re-mulch my yard, I will be able to put the winter of my professional discontent completely behind me and begin nurturing plans for my next professional incarnation.

Posted in Career Change, Jessica | 1 Comment »

More Gems

Mar 9th, 2010 by

We’ll have actual text again soon. Between wrapping up my job of 8 1/2 years and being ill, the creative fires are fizzling at present.

Simon isn’t fizzling at all. Last week, Matt took him to the grocery store. When Simon thanked the checkout clerk, as we have trained him to do and as he now always does, the woman commented on his dimples. I think she said something like “Wow, I love your dimples.” To which Simon, modest boy that he is, replied,

“Thank you. Do you like my haircut, too?”

Poor boy. He only gets as much comment on his haircuts as he does because we let things get so dire before taking him to the salon. We really must improve on that, especially now that he enjoys the process and is such a  little trooper.

The next gem gets filed under horrifying. Just when we though it couldn’t get worse than “I’m hitting you, but I love you,” we get this exchange.

Matt: “Simon. Stop wriggling. You are hurting my thumbs. Why do you want to hurt me?”

Simon: “Because I love you”

When does CPS show up at my door, do you suppose?

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy, Simon says... | 1 Comment »

The Missing Gem Series

Mar 5th, 2010 by

Simon has reeled off some truly amazing lines of late. Thing is, he’s reeled them out for Matt, and Matt has begun to feel weird about posting on “my blog”. It wasn’t supposed to be “my blog”, but my blog it has become.

So I’m going to dole these out one or two at a time, and invite Matt to chime in and correct me or add context. We’ll begin with something Simon said that we both fear could result in Child Protective Services showing up at our door. An advance disclaimer: Simon has never, ever, heard anything even remotely similar to this come out of any of our mouths. We don’t spank in our house. We don’t hit. We are a pretty pacifist crowd.

And yet, during a wrestling match Simon looked up at Matt and said:

Daddy, I’m hitting you, but I love you.

This fits right in with his new perception of parental gender roles. Mommies are for playing and snuggling. Daddies are for playing and getting kind of violent. Which brings me to my second quote of the day.

Mommy’s a great girl. And Grandma, and Bubbie, and Nana, and Aunt Tia, and Aunt Stacy. But we’re bad boys. We kick our friends.

For the record, to date, I have not received a single report of Simon’s getting physical at school. Clearly though, in his imaginary life, Simon is  a force to be reckoned with.

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy, Simon says... | No Comments »

Itchy and Scratchy at Home

Mar 2nd, 2010 by

Well, it’s a good thing I recently read Po Bronson on children and violent television. And it’s an even better thing that my friend Beth posted in the comments about her sweet boys watching some dodgy stuff. Because two weeks ago Simon’s Papaw turned on the TV when Tom and Jerry were on and the boy is enraptured by them.

He hasn’t seen it since, but he’s asked for it. And he’s told me about the cat being blue and cross. Hasn’t mentioned the mouse much at all. And about a week ago he told Matt about the cat (or was it the mouse?) going “into the basement” where there was “a red man who was very cross.” I kid you not. I can only imagine that Tom or Jerry one was catapulted straight to hell and met the devil.

So I’m torn. On the one hand, the literature and a good friend’s personal experience both verify that this kind of stuff is OK. And heaven knows I laughed out loud at the few snippets I found on Hulu. On the other hand, I can’t imagine running across a more violent kids cartoon if I tried.

Or, as Matt observed, some of the joy has been sapped from “The Itchy and Scratchy Show” on The Simpsons now that he realizes that Bart and Lisa’s not-so-innocent pleasure is no more violent than the program on which it was based. To Tom and Jerry or not to Tom and Jerry? THAT is the question. My brain says yes. My heart says no. And my gut is sneaking it on Hulu and cracking up.

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy | No Comments »

Messy Fun

Feb 28th, 2010 by

Finger Paint Fun

Not much to say here, really, other than that a good look at those hands goes far towards explaining why I can never, ever recall doing this at home when I was little.

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy | No Comments »

The Other Elephant: Part V

Feb 26th, 2010 by

OK. This is going to get a bit wierd. I had started a whole new set of blog posts concerning ruminations about my career that I was not at liberty to post. I had four installments penned, beginning with a sense that I needed to develop a career Plan B (which is Plan C in my case, if you count graduate school) and moving on to my first meeting with a professional career counselor.

I had planned on posting on all of this when the time came that I could go public, which may well have been never. Then fate intervened. Tuesday night, I got a note from my boss requesting a meeting. Wednesday morning, we confirmed the time and she gave me her conference line to dial into. Mark it. I got that email at 10:12 a.m., and I knew immediately that HR would be on the line and that I was being laid off.

And sure enough, at 2:30 I was given notice that March 26 will be my last day working for my soon-to-be-former employer. The financials are good—I still get my bonus, I have a nice severance package, and I have access to free comprehensive career counseling in town. They are being decent and generous at a time many companies are neither.

I’m OK. More than OK even. That will only change if at age 80 I’m crippled and lonely, living in a dirty bed-sit with barred windows and eating cat food because I lost my last chance at employment at 40.  I’m hoping that scenario is unlikely.

So this story is beginning in the middle. In a few weeks or months, whenever I think it’s appropriate, I’ll begin at the beginning. And along the way I’ll be blogging about my great (mis?)adventure of self re-invention at 40.

But don’t worry. The main story line here will continue to be Simon.

Posted in Career Change, Jessica | 2 Comments »

The Non Sequitur

Feb 24th, 2010 by

I’m not sure if this is a Simon thing or a little kid in general thing, but often Simon gives head-scratching answers to questions. It’s not so much that the answers are wrong or random, though both of things happen, so much as they are often in response to slightly different questions than what was asked.

Yesterday he offered up a particularly cute example of this, which will be best appreciated by those who have known me for a long time. The discussion began when Simon saw a few laundry items on the bed:

What’s this mommy? [holding up a shirt of mine]. Is this Daddy’s?

Does it look big enough for Daddy?

No, it doosen’t. Is it mine?

Does it look big enough for you?

No, my clothes are little.

That’s right. Your clothes are little. What about Daddy’s clothes?

Daddy’s clothes are big.

Yup. Daddy’s clothes are big. And Mommy’s? What about my clothes? [I’m expecting to hear “medium” at this juncture, Goldilocks style.]

Your clothes are black.

Not what I was going for, but nonetheless true. I’m an olive skinned woman, what else would I wear?

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy, Simon says... | 2 Comments »

Curious George, Interior Decorator

Feb 22nd, 2010 by

I have thought about Curious George way too much. We’re fans of the tv show over here, and I have spent more time than I care to consider trying to place accents, determining Professor Wiseman’s ethnicity (Jewish name, but does she look vaguely Indian?), wondering about whether she and the Man in the Yellow Hat have a “thing” going on (surely, yes?), and speculating as to how the Man in the Yellow Hat can afford a city apartment with a doorman and a house in the country when he seems to have no actual job (direct descendant of colonial oppressor?).

But mainly, I notice the interiors. Unlike so many shoddy kids shows, the folks who draw Curious George really care about details. George’s apartment sports crown molding in nearly all rooms and palm wallpaper I’m not wild about but that seems fitting for the inhabitants. The trim is always painted a darker color than the walls, George’s room has an iron bed with little birds on the corners, and both places have hard-wood floors. George’s country house boasts first-floor laundry, nice dormers, and a sun room off to the side.

In fact, the details are so lovingly rendered that anyone in the know could surely estimate the neighborhood, square footage, and appraised value for each. I bet The Man in the Yellow Hat is getting killed on his property taxes….

About a week ago, an episode ended up solving a long-standing toy storage problem for me. I’ve been looking at Simon’s toys all over my living room for ages now. We don’t have any kind of extra room on our first floor, and I don’t want all our toys in the basement or his bedroom when we spend so much time on the main floor. In particular, the vehicles are becoming an issue. I’ve got too many to fit in my big square basket, and the round bins don’t work well for this kind of toy. As a result, I’ve got cars/trains/buses/trucks stacked in a basket three deep and overflowing all the edges.

I feel there should be a simple enough fix, except I’ve honestly not been sure what the best storage item for all these vehicles is. Bins? Storage cubbies with fitted baskets or drawers? While I fidget and don’t decide, the place is getting over-run. Then lo and behold, Curious George went and solved the problem for me. Or, to be more precise, his neighbor Allie’s kindergarten teacher did.

George joined his neighbor for a day at school, and in keeping with the show’s attention to detail, the kindergarten room was extremely well organized, and not in an over-idealized Pottery Barn way either. I couldn’t see everything, but I did make out immediately neat little stacks of open cubbies with one vehicle per square. It looked great, and seemed an attractive and practical approach—more so than trying to hide everything away in raffia or in drawers that get stuck anyway.

So thanks PBS! While you teach my son about science, I’m learning a lot about interior design and household organization, too.

Posted in Jessica | No Comments »

Child as Time Bomb

Feb 17th, 2010 by

The set-up:

We’re in the car, on our way to school for the third time in five school days. (Heckuva winter we’re having.) We pass the intersection of Eleanor and Douglas. Matt says, “Who lives there, Simon?” And Simon says, “Michael and Danna doos” [that was phonetic, by the way, I can still sort-of spell]. And then Simon says, “Can we visit Michael and Danna after school? After my nap?”

The answer is no, but Matt wants to let him down gently. “No, Simon, we can’t just go and visit them all the time. But do you know who’s coming to visit us tomorrow? Do you remember who Dana’s daddy is?”

And Simon says, “Mr. Arnie! Mr. Arnie is Danna’s daddy. He doosen’t have any hair.”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

In fact, Dana’s daddy is coming in town tomorrow, and he is staying with us, and he “doosen’t” have any hair.

When do you think he’ll inform Mr. Arnie of this amazing discovery?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy, Simon says... | 2 Comments »

Tuckered Out, Tucked In

Feb 15th, 2010 by

Mushing in the back yard

I was all set to post this little picture and then mock complain about how much my legs are going to hurt from dragging Simon around in a sled for an hour today in 7 inches of snow. I say mock complain because even when it’s a hassle, snow is awfully pretty in the winter, and it is/was ever so much more fun to play in the snow with Simon than it would be to log in and work as usual.  School is canceled again for tomorrow, but the plow that came down our street tonight means we won’t be able to sled our way around the block again.

Anyway, my mock complaint was all set up. Then Simon went and did something completely new tonight. When I finished reading his second sleepy book (this is what I call the last two books I read to him every night, as both are specific to bedtime), he turned himself over onto his stomach, reached around to grab the covers, pulled them up to his neck, and settled back comfortably into bed. He tucked himself in!

In the seven months he’s been in his big-boy bed, he has never even come close to tucking himself in. Just a week or so ago he woke up in the middle of the night and Matt or I had to tuck him back in to prevent the cold from keeping him awake. Heck, it wasn’t too long ago I was looking into a sleep sack that would fit him. And now my baby has gone and learned to take care of this little task himself.

On a related note, it was just this weekend that Simon demanded to learn how to spread cheese and hummus (not together, mind you) on crackers. It had never occurred to me to teach him how to do this before, and it had never occurred to him to ask. Then Saturday he wanted to do it himself, and by Sunday he was doing it with no help at all.  It’s funny how such little things signal such big changes. I’m thinking maybe next year he can pull the sled himself.

Posted in Jessica, Little Boy | 1 Comment »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »